The List
by Kat253ox
Summary: James writes a list of reasons for and against asking Lily to go out with him. Summaries are not my strong point, but if you're interested, please read, and if you've read, please review.


**The List**

**Summary: **James writes a list of reasons for and against asking Lily to go out with him. Summaries are not my strong point, but if you're interested, please read, and if you've read, please review.

Before I begin, let's get one thing straight. This is absolutely, completely and utterly **not** a diary. Guys don't write diaries. I mean, I have never in my seven years of sharing a dorm with my friends come up here to see Sirius sat in bed writing his innermost thoughts down in a diary. Come to think of it, I'm not sure Sirius has innermost thoughts. He just seems to have impulses. I've never seen Remus hiding away a little notebook with which he shares his feelings, and Remus is the epitome of sensitive. Even Peter has never been caught sobbing as he scribbles his sorrows down. So now that we've cleared up the fact that writing a diary is _not_ a manly thing to do, believe me when I say that that is not what I'm doing right now.

No, this is not a diary. It's just a list to help me. Well, not a list: it's The List. I mean, being Head Boy and being expected to be all organised must have rubbed off on me. Either that, or I know, deep down, that it's exactly what _she_ would do if she were ever in the same position. That would be quite good if that were the reason: it would be neat. Neat as in, it would all tie up; not neat as in the cringey word that some muggles use to mean good, or cool. It would be neat because she would be the reason for The List, and The List is the reasons for me asking her out.

Let's start with the for side. I'm not sure why advantages always go first, but I do know that I'm starting with advantages because they are the uppermost in my mind. All day, every day, the reasons why I should ask her out are the first, and sometimes only, thing in my mind.

Firstly, I know so much about her. People complain that I'm unobservant. That I'm scatter-brained. That I never concentrate. That all I care about is playing pranks and quidditch. But the thing is, I'm none of these things. The reason I may seem unobservant, scatter-brained, all of those things, is because so much of my energy and concentration goes into observing her. Not in a stalkerish way, but in a caring, interested way. Because I love her.

Oh, you don't believe me? Well I'll just have to prove you wrong, won't I? I know all the boring things, like her name, age, birthday, etc – Lily Elisabeth Evans, 18 years old, born on the 30th January 1960.

I know that she loves the fact that her middle name is spelt the French way. She loves France, French food, French culture, the French language, French literature. She's so passionate about it that she's made me want to go there. To take her there. To visit the museums and galleries with her, to eat French patisserie and drink coffee, sat out under a veranda in Paris, to kiss her in the middle of the city. No wait, that last one is something I'd have wanted to do even if she wasn't passionate about France…

I know that a little piece of her dies every time she writes to her mother, she also writes to her sister, Petunia. But she only ever receives replies from her mother. I know that when she was younger, she and her sister were as close as any sisters could be. Closer than I am with Sirius. But her sister hates her now. Hates her for being a 'freak', for being accepted to Hogwarts when she wasn't. There was a time when hearing of anybody who hates Lily would fill me with anger, make me want to hurt them, force them to see what a wonderful, brilliant, beautiful person, and witch, she is. But now, maybe I've changed, but I just pity Petunia. She must be so sad, so miserable, so lonely, at home without her sister and best friend, hating her, living in a room of her own with no roommates or friends. I wish she'd forgive Lily. And not just for Lily's sake, but for her own sake. To save her from the misery of hatred.

I digress. There, in that last sentence, is evidence of how much she's influenced me. I never would have used the verb 'to digress' before I started spending so much time around her. I probably wouldn't even have known what it meant…

I know that she loves to chew gum, to the extent of being addicted to it. Not Drooble's, but 'proper, Wrigley's extra, spearmint, chewing gum', to quote her. But she finds it so irritating when other people are constantly chewing gum, that she refuses to do it outside of her dorm. And now, our Heads' common room. She finds it relieves her stress, so she's most likely to be chewing when she's working. Personally, I love that she has a vice. It makes her imperfect, which, perversely, makes her all the more perfect to me.

I know that she loves the book 'Pride and Prejudice'. In fact, after hearing her recommend it to her friend, Julie, I must admit I bought a copy myself, so that I could see what the fuss was about, and having read it a couple of times, I must admit that I quite like it – I wonder if she sees herself in Elizabeth Bennet, the way I do. Although I can't stick her other favourite, 'To Kill a Mockingbird' – it seemed to go on forever. It was certainly nothing to do with killing birds, that's for sure. Although I couldn't tell you what it was about – it didn't seem to have a real storyline.

I know that she has always, always wanted to be Head Girl. And that she secretly hoped, until this year, that she would be Head Girl with David Fletcher as Head Boy – she's always had a soft spot for him, has always admired him. He's dedicated to school work, sits quietly in class, answering questions, doing work, whereas I prefer to have a laugh with my friends in lessons, and do the work, learn the stuff, later on. He's got short, neat, blonde hair, grey eyes, is shorter and thinner than me – I have the messy, longer, dark hair, brown eyes, and am taller and more muscular. He quietly gets the attention of the more intellectual girls in the school, whereas I boldly fight with Sirius over the flirtatious girls. Scratch that – I _fought_ with Sirius. Not anymore. Not since I got the role of Head Boy. I decided, at the beginning of this year, to stop going for other girls. To just concentrate on cleaning up my act, in the hope of impressing her.

I know that she has been pleasantly surprised by my performance as Head Boy. Could be as a result of the aforementioned resolution – I certainly hope it is, as then I would have proof that it is worth trying.

I know that she is a scarily good liar. Seriously, she is the last person you would expect to not do her homework, and then lie smoothly to her favourite teacher – 'I'm really sorry, Professor Slughorn, but I was doing head duties all night last night, and didn't get a chance to complete the essay. I really don't want to give it in incomplete, as you know it won't be my best work. Would it be alright if I got it to you first thing tomorrow morning?' Of course, I being the only one who could possibly disprove her excuse, hadn't done the homework either, and welcomed the excuse with open arms. Although even if I had done the essay, I probably still would have let her use the excuse, considering how many times I've used that excuse this year. And how good it felt to do something nice for her, and to receive that little smile – the one that says, I know why you did this, but thank you anyway, let's not tell anybody else.

I know that she is too proud to wear the glasses that she really needs. She says that she has always had perfect eyesight, but when she was at home for the summer holidays, her mother insisted she go to the doctor's for a routine check-up, and the doctor decided that she really ought to wear glasses for schoolwork. But she refuses to wear them during lessons, and only occasionally wears them for homework – just when she thinks she is alone in the common room, and nobody else can see her.

I know that she fears getting detention, above almost everything else. She lets nothing tarnish her perfect reputation, which makes me determined to somehow make her get a detention. In a way that she cannot blame me, but that shows her it's not terrible to be on the bad side for once…

I know that it killed her when she was finally brought to her senses as concerning Snape. How she managed to brush off all of his antics for so long, I will never understand. I see that he was her childhood friend, she knew him long before she came to Hogwarts, he was the one that told her she was a witch, and brought her into our world. But from what I've heard, it was he who first broke up Lily's relationship with Petunia, and he who terrified her on their first meeting. And most importantly, he who told her again and again that it didn't matter that she was muggle born, but then turned it all around and stabbed her in the back when she was protecting him. He who called her a mudblood when she was just being kind. He who got in with the dirty Slytherin crowd of death eaters and their cronies. He who aspires to be _his_ right-hand man some day. And he, who will, undoubtedly, be that person.

I know that she hates her hair, but quite likes her eyes. How anybody could hate that hair puzzles me – it's so rich, and curly. I love that it symbolises her entire personality: red stands for passion, for temper, for strength, for richness of character. She calls it a mess, but I think the disorganised curls just epitomise her character: unruly, wild, but perfect and beautiful at the same time. And her eyes – the green that is so different to that of Slytherin, but puts you in mind of forest glens in summertime and the lawns outside school in spring. I could lose myself in her eyes for hours upon hours, if she'd let me.

I know that she keeps up with all of these quirky muggle traditions like saluting magpies, and making a wish on a fallen eyelash, and advent calendars (they're these boxes with windows on the front – on for each day of December, leading up to Christmas eve – with a message and a piece of chocolate on the inside of each window), and wearing a poppy on the 11th November.

I know that she hates wearing socks, unless they are thick, fluffy ones, specifically for chilling out in front of the fireplace in the common room in winter.

But there are still many, many things that I have yet to discover about her. I don't know what she wears to bed – does she wear a big t-shirt, or matching pyjama top and bottoms, or a silky nightdress, or just underwear? I don't know where she lives – well obviously during term time, she lives at school, but I don't know where her family's home is. I don't know whether she has a photograph in the little golden locket that she wears all the time. I don't know why she spends the Christmas holidays at school but the Easter ones at home. I don't know why she stuck by Snape for so long, when he was so obviously becoming _one of them_. I don't know whether she keeps a diary. I don't know why she watches me sometimes, when I'm working in our common room – although I can guess why she blushes so furiously when I catch her at it, which I've become quite good at recently. I don't know what her favourite food is – I would love to cook it for her once, just to show her that I can cook, and do care about her. I don't know what she sees in David Fletcher – he seems like a bit of a pansy to me.

And, reading back through this, I've decided. It's true, I don't know all there is to know about her. I don't know if she likes me. I don't know whether she'll say yes if I ask her out. I don't know whether she'll even take me seriously, and I wouldn't blame her if she just laughed in my face. But I want to be allowed to learn everything about her. I want to be allowed to stare into her eyes for hours on end. I want to be in her diary. I want to be allowed to cook for her. I want to be allowed to hold her close when she's sad, and laugh with her when she's happy. I want to be allowed to love her.

**A.N.:** Did you like it? I'm personally not so sure about the way it turned out – it was a good idea in my head, but it didn't work so well on paper (or the laptop screen). Please review: all comments, be they compliments, criticisms or suggestions, are very welcome. If you really liked it, I may consider doing a companion piece from Lily's POV – another list for and against. You know how to let me know – by reviewing!


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